By Sarah Barnard
Managing family life as a lone parent can be complicated ? what with rushing around after the kids and working at the same time to keep a roof over you heads. But we all need some time to ourselves sometimes, no matter how much we love our kids. And someone special to share things with?
Being out of the dating game for more than a few months is always a horror – do people still snog on the back row of the cinema? Is it a big no-no to bring your best mate with you?
Knowing where to begin is the first step?.
?Remembering ?how to date? is a very common concern for newly single mums, helping them to feel anxious about dating,? life coach Julie Clements says.
And it?s no wonder ? from the day your first child is born, everything seems to be impacted by them, and before you know it you?ve forgotten about your own needs.
?Women seem to lose their own identity to that of a wife, partner and mum, affecting their feelings and beliefs about themselves and ultimately causing a shift in the perception of their identity,? says Julie.
?This all typically causes a lack of confidence to socialise as an individual. Seeing themselves as mothers rather than a person would also cause women to worry that having children would put off potential partners. They focus so much on being mum that they feel this is all that people will pick up from them. I would suggest focusing on their own identity and all that they have to offer someone for being who they are.
?Bringing up children alone seems to leave little time for anything else, however, by allowing themselves permission to go out, and having a support network of trusted friends this does not have to be the case. Create a baby-sitting circle within a group of friends or relatives, each taking turns to sit for each other and creating free time for others to experience the benefits of a positive social life.?
Single mum Emily Marley, 33, knows only too well the pressure that can come with single parent dating. Yet rather than let it wear her down, she took the bull by the horns and made the world wise up to the fact that she was hot property and ready for a new relationship.
?When my second husband turned around and said ‘I don’t love you any more’ it was a shock. So when he left to spend the weekend ‘away’ I made the decision to change the locks and stand up to the way he was treating me
?I thought ‘I am a wonderful, super hard-working mother and I deserve better than he could offer!
?Initially my husband was shocked that I had been so pro active and final about the split,? says Emily. ?I put the house on the market and myself and the children are soon moving into a bigger and nicer house.
But a new house for her and the children was just the first step to a new life for Emily.
?I met my new boyfriend through work and I love spending time with him. We go out for dinner, got to the cinema and really enjoy going to the gym together. He hasn’t met the children yet ? we are taking it slowly ? but it suits me fine to have quality time with the children and quality time with him.?
Hillie Marshall, founder of Dinner Dates and a relationship expert and author has two all- important tips for single mothers who are about to step into the single market again:
- Throw away the guilt and remember it’s OK for you to have a life. It is far better for your children to spend quality time with a happy and fulfilled mother than more time with an unhappy mother who resents her lack of freedom.
- Make sure you have set dates in place for when your children visit their father. Plan ahead and make the most of your free time.
With this expert advice in mind and the knowledge that many other single mums are in the same dating boat, what do you need to find the new love in your life?
FOR MORE INFORMATION
Julie Clements’ coaching site is www.faithperformance.co.uk.
Hillie Marshall is the founder of www.dinnerdates.com and has written Hillie Marshall’s Guide to Successful Relationships, The Good Dating Guide: Do?s and Don?t of Dating and Agonise with Hillie: Over 150 Problems Solved.