Name: Kit Berry
Age: 50
My children are now grown up, two are at university and one is working. I brought them up alone as a single mum. My husband left when our third child was born. I had three boys under the age of four at the time and had two options: I could either go on income support or work. I chose the latter! I had many different jobs (sales rep, waitress, selling conservatories… and more). I decided to study for a PGCE with Open University (while doing six different cleaning jobs and working in the local garden centre) and became a schoolteacher. This is the best choice I ever made ? I worked for 12 years as a teacher full time while the boys were growing up. I started writing in my spare time, and now the boys have flown the nest, I have given up teaching and work full-time as an author.
Job title: Author
Industry: Publishing
Employer: Self-employed
Salary: Less than ?20K at present, but rising as books become more and more successful
Have you always worked while you had your children?
Yes ? I even worked up to the last two hours before I went into hospital to give birth to my youngest child!
What was the motivating factor for this?
Money ? my husband left when our third child was born. I had a choice, either go on Income Support and live in poverty or work to keep my self-esteem and sanity. But I worked before he left, too, although only part-time. I wanted to contribute financially to the household.
What are the best bits about staying in work while you have raised your
children?
Contact with the world, and not just in a ?mother and toddler group? sense.
Self esteem ? supporting my family and not living off the state.
If you could have your time again would you make a different choice?
No. I wouldn?t have married the same man, of course, but given the circumstances, I would have chosen work against staying at home in complete poverty.
Has working and raising a family been challenging? If so how?
Very. You?re always tired. You always feel a nagging sense of guilt at not being a stay-at-home mum (although this may be less nowadays, of course). Childcare is always an issue, too, and you?re completely dependent on your childcare arrangements.
What is available to mothers now that you wish you had access to when
your family was young?
Tax relief on childcare and help with paying for childcare. When my children were young it was very difficult indeed. Also, the government now encourages single mums to work now. There?s far more support and childcare around now.
How have you managed to stay on top of your career with the demands of
motherhood?
Once I became a teacher, I dedicated myself to building my career, even studying for an MA in education to take myself higher up the ladder. I managed this by doing it with the Open University so I could study at home with my children. I also taught in the school my children attended so I was involved in their education and they could come to my classroom after school so I could stay later rather than having to dash home.
What has been the high point along the way?
My grown-up boys telling me many times how proud they are of me for what I have achieved, what a wonderful mother I was and how their childhood was very happy. Also, they say that I?m an inspiration to them, having triumphed over adversity, and that my determination and hard work against the odds has helped them in their own lives. My eldest is now doing a PhD at Imperial College London! They?re all lovely men and I?m so proud of them. They grew up in difficult conditions in a council house with no father and little money, but they all have a wonderful work ethic and are really decent people with values.
What is your worst experience you can remember?
Absolute exhaustion ? staying up until 3am to finish icing birthday cakes and wrapping the presents even though I?d been at work all day, worked at home all evening, cooked supper, done the ironing etc etc etc. But some things, like birthdays, must be done so what gives is your health and wellbeing, because you push yourself all the time and cannot let your children down.
Any tips for expectant mums, or mothers who feel that you can’t have a
successful career and a happy family life at the same time?
Something has to give when there are only so many hours in the day ? make sure it?s the things that don?t matter, too much, like housework! You can?t be perfect, nor can you be superwoman 24/7 ? so don?t be too hard on yourself. My house was a tip at times, but my kids were happy and loved. Who cares what the neighbours think? When your children are grown up and look back on their childhood, they remember the love and time you gave them ? the bedtime stories, outings, attention, lovely food. They don?t remember that the house was a pigsty or that their school shirts weren?t always ironed!
Kit Berry is author of The Stonewylde series – for more information
go to www.stonewylde.com