Emma was climbing up the career ladder fast in her career, but it all started to go pear-shaped when she started a glamorous-looking job at a television news company.
?I experienced workplace stress in my second job. It was a role I had been selected for out of over 200 applicants – a great position with a busy newsroom. Working there fast became a nightmare as although the job in itself was quite stimulating, I was more experienced than the two people in my team and they resented me for this as they had wanted their own assistant rather than someone they felt threatened by.
?I felt isolated and lonely, a bit ashamed and disappointed that I was not coping with my job and saddened by the fact that I was resented by my colleagues. I did get on with my male colleagues in the news information department, but this annoyed my two female colleagues as I was younger and prettier than them.
?I did not want to tell my friends and family that this ?great job? I had secured was such an uncomfortable environment – my friends were quite envious of my new position on a good salary and status in a media job ? I felt embarrassed to admit things weren?t working out.
?There wasn?t any support and I did not want to talk to people at work as I thought I would get used to the way I was being treated or that everything would get better.
?It was two months before I started to feel really awful, though. It had a huge impact on my life outside of work. I withdrew from people, I woke early in the morning worrying about how I would force myself to go to work. And I became tearful and snappy.
?The stress levels were made worse for me because of my two female colleagues, who were causing me a lot of distress. One girl in particular used to listen to me when I was taking phone calls and then tell me I shouldn?t be giving advice, that I should be passing the calls to her. She resented my experience and wanted me to be her assistant.
?I felt quite desperate and low and started to think I didn?t want to wake up in the morning or that maybe I should fall under a tube, these thoughts frightened me and I thought I could talk to the Samaritans about this rather than it going around in my head. I thought that this would help because I was leaning on someone who had volunteered to help a person like me in emotional distress rather than trying to speak to a friend who would not have time and often get annoyed of me bleating on because they saw me as doing so well ? one friend felt that it was ?alright for you, you?ve got money?.
?The fact that a Samaritans volunteer is trained, has experience and is focused on helping someone in emotional distress really helped me. To have a sympathetic voice who focuses on the positive, had no personal involvement in my life so did not judge me but will gently help me get my thoughts back on track and support me in working towards a solution or decision.
?Managers need to firstly be confident to select the right person for the job, someone who has space to grow within the role but the hardest part is to manage employees? expectations in an honest way.
?I think a manager has to strive to create a close and ideal working environment as I described, but often the demands of management above can create more pressure. Training and experience should be given to managers before they take on the role of having direct reports but often people are promoted to manager status without these. Ideally a manager needs to develop emotional health awareness and we all have to be more honest.?
Are you stressed? Tips to nip those negative feelings in the bud
If you find yourself asking, ?Am I stressed?? it may first be useful to ponder how you come to be asking yourself this question.
Lesley Haswell and Christine Martin, both registered psychotherapists, suggest it may be that you have felt stressed in the past and some of the signs, whether physical or more emotional, are beginning to reveal themselves to you or it might be a general sense of unease and the word stress seems to fit.
Take it seriously, get any symptoms checked out by your GP and then find time to consider your situation. One particularly useful area to look at is your relationships and whether there has been any change in your experience of them recently. Tensions or discomfort at work, with friends, partners, and family, or indeed your children, may be highlighting issues that others are grappling with, but may also reveal areas of increased stress for you.
For example, do you find yourself feeling less connected in these important relationships, and if so what impact is this having on you: are you feeling more isolated, less supported, angry, anxious, tired or sad when you think about these relationships?
It is also possible that your relationship with yourself is affected – our attempts to struggle on can lead to reduced self-confidence, which can in turn result in us allowing ourselves less time to relax, have fun, eat healthily and take exercise, all the things that would normally help us deal with stress.
Often an important thing to remember is that stress can affect anyone at any time. Mothers who work can often feel as though they are expected to hold everything together and be there for everyone else, so it can be hard to ask for help. Lesley and Christine say it can be helpful to realise that everyone goes through a rough patch from time to time and mothers have needs, too. Remember, it is ok to take time out to consider what is going on for you – and your family and work could actually gain from it. If you are finding things difficult then you might find it useful to talk things through in complete confidence, and with someone who is not involved in your day-to-day life. Seek support from someone who listens and explores with you what is after all your unique situation, someone who provides an environment in which you decide which choices are best for you.
Lesley Haswell and Christine Martin are registered psychotherapists and partners of Haswell, Martin & Rose an independent practice offering counselling and psychotherapy in the heart of London. Call 020 7839 6767, or visit their website for more infrmation www.haswellmartinrose.com.
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