Would you tell your best friend that her other half was cheating on them? No? well you wouldn?t be alone on that one. And if you were the one playing away from home, would you confess in person, or take the coward?s way out and do the dumping by text?
Remember when Boris Becker broke up with his girlfriend of three years by text, just one day before his 40th birthday? He isn?t alone on that front, but don?t think it?s just men who take the cheap way out. According to a recent survey by Openreach, women are 22% less likely than men to come clean about an affair to their partner?s face, preferring to reveal all via text, email or by sending a letter. (Do people still use pigeon mail?.)
But what would you do if your best friend?s partner was cheating on them ? would you tell, or stay out of it?
Here are some readers? stories
Clare
?My ex-partner cheated. My friends knew for a very short period (before I found out) and didn’t tell me ? and I think they were right not to, because I wasn’t ready to see or hear it.
?My friends realised my ex-partner was cheating on me but did not know whether to tell me because the relationship was disintegrating anyway. I found out one of my friends knew when my ex left an email open on my laptop. He had tried to talk to her about his affair and she had told him she could not discuss it because she was my friend.
?When I finally saw for myself what was happening, I wasn?t angry with my friends because I knew I would not have wanted to hear it from them and would not have been ready to see it. They felt like they were in an impossible situation and chose not to get involved. I don?t blame them for this. I don’t know what I would have done in the same situation ? I think it’s very risky to tell someone something they may not want to hear. I could have felt like they had acted wrongly but I knew how difficult it would have been for them to say something.?
Emma Jayne
?I was working on cruise ships about four years ago and had been going out with my boyfriend for about eight months and it was quite serious. I’d lived with his family in America for a few months and he had plans to move to England.
?We ended up being sent to different ships to work for a while but still talked a lot and I was going to visit him when I finished. Anyway, he eventually dumped me (via email!) and admitted that he had been sleeping with someone else. I was totally shocked and heartbroken – I didn’t see it coming at all.
?The friend who knew about it has said to me earlier on, ‘oh, are you still coming to visit?’, which I thought was a strange thing to say, but it didn’t arouse suspicion at the time. He told me afterwards that he knew and I wished he’s let me know but it was a difficult situation for him to be in as he was friends with us both.?
Lisa
?I’ve found out hubby’s mate is cheating on his girlfriend, who I don’t know all that well. If it was one of my friends I would confront him and tell him to confess in the next week or I will tell. But as this is not my friend I am not sure what to do.
?If it was me, I would want to know. In fact, many years ago I was in the situation where people have known and only told me afterwards. I felt so foolish and gutted that my friends didn’t tell me. Yes, it would be totally heartbreaking to find out the person you love is cheating on you, but even worse to know that your friend knew but did nothing about it.
?However, a friend of mine maintains the opposite, that you should keep your nose out because you don’t know what is going on behind closed doors, maybe the friend is aware but is turning a blind eye for the sake of the kids, or other issues, and you confronting it means they have to address it, rather than ignore it. Or maybe they are having an affair, too. It?s a difficult one.?
Grace
?Me and my other half were in a situation where we knew a woman friend of ours had been cheating on her fianc? before she broke up with him – telling the fianc? he wasn’t making her happy, blah blah.
?Within weeks of giving her fianc? his marching orders, the guy she was cheating with dumped her. She wanted her fianc? back, but he had booked a single ticket to Australia.
?She was going to try and get away with never telling him about the affair and my other half couldn’t bear to let her fianc? (his buddy) suffer that, so he told him – the fianc? cut short his trip to Australia anyway and came home to marry her.
?She cheated on him again when he was in Oz, but we didn’t tell him that as it was obvious that he would rather be with her and get cheated on, than be without her. Unfortunately though, it strained our relationship with them both for many years and in hindsight, we should have just stayed out of it.?
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