If you’re a single mother who works, we salute you – parenting can be challenging enough when there are two adults in the home, so you’re a start in our eyes because you do the work of two people.
In addition to your salaried work, you’re a chauffer, a nurse, a psychotherapist, and an educator. It’s as though you’re not only the ringleader of your family, but you’re also the master juggler (of schedules), the tightrope walker (of finances), the lion tamer (of behaviour), and the trapeze artist (as you swing from home to work and back again).
Here are five tips to help you keep your sanity when the circus takes up permanent residence in your household during the school summer holidays.
1. Pick your battles
In stressful situations it can be all too easy to tell the kids off about everything. But, the earth won’t stop revolving on its axis because your child won’t eat all his peas on hit plate just this once, or wants to watch an extra hour of Ben 10. If you step back a little, you might actually start to enjoy watching your children and getting to know them.
2. Set your boundaries
Picking your battles doesn’t mean you shouldn’t set boundaries at home. Learn to say “no” when necessary, and mean it – even if Children know what to expect when they have a clear routine and understand their responsibilities. At first, it may be hard to stand your ground and be the enforcer, but kids will start toeing the line and life will get much easier.
3. Use promises sparingly
When you’re a single mum, life happens. Even the best laid plans can easily go awry, and promises made can often broken. Better than anyone else, you know that kids need stability and they can count on you and trust your word. So, only make promises that you know with certainty that you’ll be able to keep. Don’t promise your children something to keep them quiet, knowing that you won’t be able to deliver – they will start to mistrust you.
4. Try for balance
Everyone and everything in your life has needs – your kids, your kids’ school, your boss, your clients, your home, your car, your pets, and so on. Sometimes it may feel like you’re trying to juggle a barrel of balls underwater, but inevitably one pops up. Try drawing up a “conscious living” list for yourself and as a family. In this list you’ll have a master list of fun things you want to do, projects around the house, and assorted tasks and chores.
Sit down once a week and choose a couple of fun things (like playing cards or baking cupcakes) and a couple of projects (like cleaning behind the refrigerator or decluttering the house). You’ll find that setting up a time to do something will help you find the time to do it. At the end of the week, you’ll be pleasantly surprised to discover that you’ve managed to spend time with your children, run errands, and get chores done around the house.
5. Let go of the guilt
Every working mother experiences guilt at some point – it can be our greatest enemy. It can be paralysing, can distract us from our work, and can put distance between us and our children. Our lives may not have turned out the way we intended, but we have to let ourselves off the hook.
Remember that you’re doing the best you can with the physical, emotional, and financial resources you have. As long as you love our children fiercely and without reservation, they’ll make it and you’ll make it, too. And, ultimately, you’ll be glad the circus came to town.
