It usually starts small. A comment in a meeting that lands a little too hard. An email where you are copied in so that everyone can see you being corrected. Being left off the invite for the planning session you used to lead. On their own, each moment feels too petty to mention. Put together, they build a weight you carry home every evening, into bath time, into the school run, into the 3am wake ups when your mind replays the day.
If that sounds familiar, I want you to hear this first: you are not imagining it, you are not being oversensitive, and you are not alone. Bullying at work is common, it is corrosive, and it is especially hard to deal with when you are also holding a family together. As a former union rep, I know how isolating this can feel, and if there is one thing I want every woman in this position to know, it is that it is not just you.
This guide is about coping. Not coping in the sense of gritting your teeth and putting up with it, but coping in the sense of steadying yourself, getting clear on what is happening and taking back some control. It is the first in a series. When you are ready for the detail, read what the law says about bullying at work and what to expect if your case goes to an employment tribunal.
What Workplace Bullying Actually Looks Like
There is no single legal definition of bullying in UK law, which is part of why it can feel so slippery. Acas describes it broadly as behaviour that is offensive, intimidating, malicious or insulting, or an abuse or misuse of power that undermines, humiliates or injures the person on the receiving end. It does not have to be shouting. Some of the most damaging bullying is quiet and deniable.
It can look like:
- Constant criticism, often in front of others, while good work goes unacknowledged
- Being given impossible deadlines or workloads, or having your responsibilities quietly stripped away
- Being excluded from meetings, conversations, social events or information you need to do your job
- Jokes at your expense, nicknames or comments about your appearance, accent, age or family life
- Micromanagement that is not applied to anyone else in the team
- Rumours, gossip or someone taking credit for your work
- Comments about your commitment since you became a mum, your part time hours or your need to leave on time for nursery pickup
That last one deserves its own spotlight. For working mums, bullying often attaches itself to the very things that make our lives complicated: pregnancy, maternity leave, flexible working, childcare emergencies. If that is your story, my article on bullying through pregnancy, maternity leave and the early years of motherhood walks through each stage and the specific protections that apply.
Bullying or a Difficult Manager?
It is worth being honest with yourself here, because it will help you later. Managers are allowed to manage. They can set targets, give feedback, raise concerns about performance and say no to requests. Firm management is not bullying. What turns it into bullying is usually a pattern: behaviour that is targeted at you, persistent, unfair, out of proportion or designed to undermine rather than improve. A useful question is, “Would a reasonable person in my position feel belittled, frightened or humiliated by this, and is it happening to me in a way it is not happening to others?”
Step One: Start Writing It Down Today
If you take one thing from this article, let it be this. Start a private record now, even if you are not sure you will ever use it. Bullying thrives on vagueness. A record turns “she is always having a go at me” into a clear timeline that a manager, HR, a union rep, Acas or a tribunal can follow.
For each incident, note:
- The date, time and where it happened
- Exactly what was said or done, using the actual words where you can
- Who else was there or could have seen or heard it
- How it affected you, including any impact on your health, sleep or time off
- Anything you did afterwards, such as telling a colleague or visiting your GP
Keep copies of emails, messages, rotas, appraisal notes and anything else relevant. Store your notes somewhere personal, such as your own phone or a notebook at home, not only on a work laptop that could be taken away from you. Be careful not to forward confidential business information to a personal account, as that can cause problems of its own. If you are unsure, keep a note of where a document is and what it says rather than copying it.
A record also does something quieter but just as important. It helps you see the pattern clearly, which can be a huge relief when you have started to doubt your own memory.
Step Two: Look After Yourself Before You Look After the Case
Bullying affects the body as well as the mind. Many women describe headaches, stomach problems, broken sleep, feeling sick on Sunday evenings, crying in the car before going in. Please take those signs seriously. They are not weakness. They are your body telling you that something is wrong.
- Talk to your GP. Be honest about what is happening at work. If you need time off, a fit note that mentions work related stress creates a record and gives you breathing space.
- Use your Employee Assistance Programme if your employer has one. These usually offer free, confidential counselling.
- Tell someone you trust. A partner, a friend, a sister, your small group at church. Bullying isolates. Breaking the silence is one of the most protective things you can do.
- Protect your evenings. Turn off work notifications after hours if your role allows it. The person bullying you does not get to follow you into your children’s bedtime.
- Remember who you are. Your worth was never set by one manager or one team. Write down the things you know to be true about your skills and character, and read them on the hard mornings.
If you are feeling overwhelmed or unable to cope, please reach out today. You can call Samaritans free at any time on 116 123, or contact your GP or NHS 111.
Step Three: Decide Whether to Raise It Informally
Sometimes a calm, direct conversation is enough, particularly where the behaviour may be thoughtless rather than deliberate. You might say, “When you corrected me in front of the client yesterday, it undermined me. I would rather you raised things with me privately.” Keep it factual and short, and follow it up with a brief email so there is a record.
That said, you are never obliged to confront the person bullying you, especially if you feel unsafe, if they are senior to you or if you have tried before. You can go straight to your line manager, their manager, HR or your union rep instead.
Step Four: Know How a Formal Grievance Works
If informal routes have not worked, or the behaviour is serious, you can raise a formal grievance. This is your employer’s internal process for complaints, and you should find it in your staff handbook or intranet. Employers are expected to follow the Acas Code of Practice on disciplinary and grievance procedures, and that matters, because if your case later goes to a tribunal and either side has unreasonably failed to follow the Code, any award can be adjusted by up to 25%.
A good grievance letter:
- Is headed “Formal Grievance” so there is no confusion
- Sets out what has happened in date order, drawing on your record
- Explains the impact on you
- Says clearly what you would like to happen, such as an investigation, a change of reporting line, mediation or an apology
You have a legal right to be accompanied at a formal grievance meeting by a work colleague or a trade union representative. Use it. Having someone beside you who takes notes and can ask for a pause makes an enormous difference when emotions are high.
Ask for the outcome in writing, and if you are not satisfied, you can appeal. Keep copies of everything.
Step Five: Understand When Bullying Becomes a Legal Issue
Bullying on its own is not something you can usually take straight to an employment tribunal. The law tends to step in when bullying overlaps with something else, such as harassment linked to your sex, race, disability, age or another protected characteristic, unfavourable treatment because you are pregnant or on maternity leave, treatment after you have blown the whistle, or conduct so serious that it breaks the trust between you and your employer.
There are also important changes this year. From 1st October 2026, the time limit for most tribunal claims doubled from three months to six months less one day for events on or after that date. From 30th October 2026, employers must take all reasonable steps to prevent sexual harassment, and they can also be liable when their staff are harassed by third parties such as clients or customers. I unpack all of this in Bullying at Work and the Law: What Every Working Mum Needs to Know.
The single most important legal tip I can give you is this: do not let a long internal process run down your clock. Time limits for tribunal claims keep running while a grievance is investigated. Before you reach any deadline, you must contact Acas for early conciliation. If you think you might ever want to bring a claim, get advice early.
Where to Get Free, Confidential Help
- Your trade union, if you are a member. Union reps know your workplace and can represent you. If you are not a member, consider joining now, although some unions will not take on problems that started before you joined.
- Acas helpline: 0300 123 1100, for free and impartial advice on your rights and the grievance process.
- Citizens Advice, online or at a local office.
- Maternity Action: 0808 801 0488, if you are pregnant, on maternity leave or a new mum.
- Pregnant Then Screwed advice line: 0300 222 5799, for parents facing problems at work.
- Your home insurance, which sometimes includes legal expenses cover for employment disputes. It is worth checking your policy.
Thinking About Leaving
Many women reach a point where they simply want out. That is a completely valid choice, and sometimes it is the healthiest one. But if you can, take advice before you resign. Resigning in response to serious mistreatment can, in some cases, form the basis of a constructive dismissal claim, and the timing and wording of your resignation matter. From 1st January 2027 the qualifying period for ordinary unfair dismissal claims, including constructive dismissal, falls from two years to six months, so your length of service may matter less than it once did.
If you are offered a settlement agreement to leave, you must get independent legal advice before signing it for it to be valid, and employers commonly contribute towards the cost of that advice. Do not sign anything under pressure in a meeting.
It Is Not Only at Work
Bullying does not always clock off at 5.30pm. For many mums it shows up in the school parents’ group chat or even in church, the places that are supposed to be our support network. I have written about both, with care, in When the School Parents’ WhatsApp Group Turns Toxic and Bullying in Church: How to Respond Without Losing Your Faith or Your Church Family.
What You Cannot Control
You cannot control what another person chooses to do. You cannot make a bully see sense, and you cannot guarantee that every manager or HR team will handle your complaint fairly. What you can control is how well you document what is happening, how early you get advice, who you let into your corner and how gently you treat yourself while this is going on.
If you are reading this late at night with your heart racing, put the phone down after this paragraph and rest. Tomorrow, start your record. One step is enough for one day. As Isaiah 41:10 puts it, “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee.” You were never meant to carry this on your own.
This article is general information about the law in England, Wales and Scotland and is not legal advice. Employment law is changing quickly during 2026 and 2027, so please take advice on your own situation.
Read the Full Series
This article is part of the Mothers Who Work series on bullying at work and beyond.
- Bullying at Work and the Law: What Every Working Mum Needs to Know
- What to Expect at an Employment Tribunal: A Step by Step Guide for Working Mums
- Bullied While Pregnant, on Maternity Leave or as a New Mum: Your Rights at Every Stage
- When the School Parents’ WhatsApp Group Turns Toxic: How to Cope With Bullying Outside Work
- Bullying in Church: How to Respond Without Losing Your Faith or Your Church Family
More From the Mothers Who Work Family
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- Geek School Tutoring: Ofsted registered 11+ preparation for grammar and independent schools
- 11 Plus Essay: creative and persuasive writing preparation for the 11+
- Independent School Interview: helping children feel confident in school interviews
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- Functify Learning: online Functional Skills Level 2 English and Maths, a faster route than resitting GCSEs
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Last reviewed: 27th October 2026
